My journey to a healthier me

Tales of my life


on May 21, 2014

It’s all about perspective.
It’s something Tyler told me not long after we started working together.
It’s something I’m still learning.

I’ve been known to dwell on the bad stuff happening, instead of focusing on all the good around me.
I’m trying to change that. I’ve been working on it a while.
Sometimes I’m pretty good at it. Sometimes I’m not.
Sometimes it takes a friend or loved one to point out that I need to focus on the good.
Thankfully I have people around who do that.

When I was younger, I would sometimes get excited about something new, some new challenge. But when I would tell some people about it, they seemed to take great pleasure in pointing out negative aspects of it, to the point that I was no longer excited and would just give up on the idea. I don’t know if they meant it to happen, I would hope not, but more often than not, that’s what happened.

And I think over the years, I learned to do that for myself. I would be happy about something, but almost as quickly, I would see the negatives of the situation. It’s like I was talking myself of even trying.

But I never recognized that’s what I was doing. It took people around me to tell me, to show me what I was doing. And that only started happening in the last few years.

Now, I didn’t always do this. But it seemed to happen more often than not. Sometimes I wonder how many great opportunities I missed out on because I did this.

I’m learning how destructive that can be though.
When I do this, I’m robbing myself of the joy, the wonder of all the good there is.
It takes away from the beauty in the every day.
It makes me forget how lucky am I.

Over the last few years, I have gotten better at not dwelling on the negative. But I still do it. And sometimes when I do, it goes on and on for awhile. It can be hard to snap out of that mindset.

It’s been 3 weeks since the car accident. And I’ve been dwelling on it. The cuts on my neck and hands that are becoming scars. The soreness in my body that is preventing me from running and getting a really good workout in. The fact that we need a new car.

And when I start thinking about these things, it snowballs into other things.
I start blaming myself for the accident. If I hadn’t been going away that weekend, we wouldn’t have been on the highway. And I blame the weather. If it hadn’t been raining so hard, we might not have crashed. And I blame my husband. If he had been driving slower, we might not have crashed. If he had noticed that the back tires needed replacing, we might not have crashed. But it always comes back to blaming myself.

And then I start blaming myself for other things too. It’s a vicious cycle.

Usually when it gets bad like that, it can last awhile. And it almost always takes the words of a friend to break me out of it.

I wouldn’t say I’m completely out of that mindset with the accident, but I’m trying. I’m really trying. Friends have definitely helped with that, reminding me that I’m a lucky person, and not just with the accident.

I have a house to live in.
I have food to eat.
I have a wonderful husband.
I have 3 great cats.
I have been cancer free for 4 1/2 years.
I can go out walking.
I volunteer with 2 great organizations.
I have loving friends and family.
I call one of the best countries in the world home.
I live in a beautiful town with lots of friendly people.
I can see beauty in every day things.
I can hear wonderful music.
I can taste good food.
I can read and appreciate beautiful books.
I can watch television and movies.

There are a lot of people in this world who are not so lucky.
And I need to remember that.
I need to remember just how good I have it, just lucky I am, even when bad things are happening.
It’s all about perspective.

Even with the accident.
Yes it was bad thing that happened.
But it could have been a lot worse.
It was a single-car accident.
And we walked away from it.
Yes, we both had some injuries.
But they were/are relatively minor ones.
It’s all about perspective.

I’m a very lucky woman.
I need to remember that.
And thank you to those friends who remind me of that when I need it.


2 responses to “Perspective

  1. Liz McLennan says:

    This is the human experience, my friend and in truth, this ruminating that you’re doing needs to happen, to let your mind settle on and accept what happened. It’s traumatic, being in a crash, no matter the outcome. Big moments do that – sit in our brains until we can sort through to the other side. You’re coming through now and look at all the wonderful stuff that you’re seeing. You have a great perspective and sharing it can only help.


    • jenncoleman says:

      Thanks, Liz. I’m trying. I’m so thankful I have good people around me who are helping me through it.

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