My journey to a healthier me

Tales of my life

Still struggling

on May 23, 2013

Why? I don’t understand it. I’m still fighting with myself over everything — workouts, motivation, food. It’s out of control. And I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to get back on track. I know what I need to do. I know what not to eat. So why am I having such a hard time??? To make matters worse, I feel like I’m letting my supporters down because I’m not doing what I should be. I feel like some of them may be disappointed in me. And that hurts. But what can I expect? I’m just making excuse after excuse lately. I’m eating things I shouldn’t. I’m not pushing myself as hard as I know I can. Everything seems so much harder than it should be. I’m better than this. I know that. I know I can push through the aches and sore muscles. I know how to eat clean. But just because I know it, doesn’t mean I’m applying it. I’m making excuses. And I’m being lazy. I’m disappointed in myself, so I wouldn’t be surprised to find out others are disappointed too. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn some are ready to give up on me. Maybe they think I’ve given up on myself. I haven’t. I really haven’t. I’m just struggling. And I don’t know how to get out of it. I’m trying. Really I am. There are times I just want to sit in a corner and cry. I don’t know what’s wrong. How can I fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong?? It’s taking just about everything I have to get myself to the gym. That leaves very little to push myself through my workouts. I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see. I see someone on the brink of failure, the edge of giving up. And I’m fighting with her. I’m fighting hard to stay in the game. But I’m worried. I’m afraid I’m losing to her. And it scares me. I need help. I need someone to say its okay, to help me find the drive I once had, to help me defeat that girl that wants to give up.


4 responses to “Still struggling

  1. Jeff says:

    I wish I had the answers. I’ll just say that misery loves company. Hang in there. It’s gotta get better and easier at some point.

  2. leannenalani says:

    The fact that you didn’t avoid blogging about it says something about your intentions – You’re not trying to hide from the fact that you’re struggling. That means that there is definitely going to be a time when you will feel better and more motivated. Don’t stop blogging and keep reflecting on things and it will work out.

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