My journey to a healthier me

Tales of my life

Some days I want to give up …

on October 6, 2012

I still struggle. Not every day, but often enough. I think I’m doing pretty good and then WHAM there’s a wall. Sometimes the wall is easy to get over or around, but other times it’s not.

Sometimes the hardest part is getting out of bed. There are days when I wake up and think to myself “I could go back to sleep so easily” or “I could skip one day … one day won’t matter”.

Sometimes I have trouble getting my workout started. I stand there and stare at the treadmill, trying to will myself to start. Sometimes I step on the treadmill, but end up just standing there, wondering what is keeping me from getting started.

Sometimes I have trouble pushing myself. I try and try, but can only seem to go so far. It doesn’t seem to be a problem when I’m working with Ty, so I’m not sure why it’s sometimes a problem when I’m working by myself.

Sometimes I just want to give up. Sometimes I wonder why I’m putting myself through all this. When I’m having a bad day, I just want to throw in the towel and give up. When I’m having trouble with something Tyler wants me to do, I get frustrated and angry with myself. When I see the numbers on the scale aren’t moving or worse, going up, I want to cry and just give up. When something upsets me, I sometimes want to drown myself in a pint of ice cream.

So what do I do when this happens? Do I give up? Do I throw away all my hard work? Do I find that pint of ice cream?

No.

As hard as it is sometimes, I don’t give up.

I get up when my alarm goes off, get myself ready, and go to the gym.

I don’t listen to that voice in my head that says it’s okay to take the day off.

I force myself to step on that treadmill and press the start button.

When I get frustrated and angry with myself, I try to take a step back and breathe. I try to remember it’s okay, I don’t have to be perfect. And then I try again.

I’m not quite sure how to push myself farther, but I’m working on it.

When something gets me upset, I look for ways to deal with it, other than with food.

The point it is even though I want to give up, I don’t. As hard as it is some days, I still try my best. Even when it seems like I’m not making progress, I’m still out there.

Because one day, it won’t be so hard. One day, I won’t struggle to push myself. One day, I won’t struggle with the movements Ty shows me. One day, the scale will show the number I want it to.

And until then, I will continue to do my best. I will remember why I started this journey to begin with. When I’m having a bad day, I’ll remember it’s okay not to be perfect. And when I need help, I will remember I have great friends who are there when I need them, no matter what.

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