My journey to a healthier me

Tales of my life

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem

on August 18, 2012

This post was inspired by my friend Crystal. She said this during a recent conversation while venting about a problem she was having with someone. I thought it would make a good blog post.

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That statement could apply to so many situations and to many different people. You’re trying to change something about yourself, improve yourself, go after your dreams, and most people you know are supportive, willing to help any way they can. And then there is that one person. The one who seems to be sabotaging you at every turn. The one who doubts you will succeed. The one who seems to only have negative things to say. It could be your spouse or significant other, a parent or sibling, your co-worker, or the person you thought was a dear friend. It could be anybody.

You want to go back to school … they say you’re too old.

You want a promotion at work … they say you aren’t qualified.

Or, as is in my case, you want to lose weight, get fit, be a healthier person … they say you won’t be able to do it … they tempt you with junk food … they say things like “oh you can have that just this once” … they make fun of the amount of time you spend in the gym.

Why do they do it? Why do they think you won’t succeed? Why do they try to sabotage you? Good questions. But you may never really know the answers.

Maybe they’re jealous. Maybe they just like being negative. Maybe they tried it once before and didn’t succeed so they don’t think you will either.

So what do you do? What do you say to them? How do you handle the situation? Again, good questions. The answers really depend on the situation and the people involved.

You can try talking to them. Ask them why they are doing what they’re doing. You can explain how their negativity is adversely affecting your relationship with them. You can politely tell them to mind their own business. You can just ignore them. You can stop associating with them. You can cut them out of your life.

Does that work? Sometimes.

Will they stop? Maybe or maybe not.

Will they change their behavior? Probably not.

All you can do is do the best job you can. Surround yourself with those who support you. Try to understand and sympathize with those who doubt you, but stay true to yourself. Don’t give up on what you want. And remember, if they’re not part of the solution, they are part of the problem.

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