My journey to a healthier me

Tales of my life


on August 18, 2012

I’ve always been a fairly emotional person. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve for the world to see. Because of that, I also tend to be an emotional eater. In the past, when I was upset or stressed or sad (or just about anything else), I turned to food. It took me a long time to realize that was what I was doing. Since I have learned that about myself, it has become easier to control. But that doesn’t mean the emotions have. In fact, it seems like I’ve become even more emotional than before. Lately it feels like I’m just a big ball of emotions. Things are getting to me like never before. Sometimes I’m not even sure what is bothering me, just that something is. And I hate that. How can I deal with the problem if I don’t know what it is?! I want to talk about it, want to deal with it, want to overcome it. But how can I? What am I supposed to do? The only thing I know for sure is I don’t want to be like I was before. I don’t want to use food as a comfort. I don’t want to be that person any more. I’m not that person any more. So that brings me back to the question, what am I supposed to do? How can I control the emotions? How do I tell someone what’s wrong if I don’t know? I feel like an emotional basket-case. Someone asks me what’s wrong and all I can do is shake my head, say “I don’t know”, and cry. I feel stupid. I feel like a stupid little kid. Here I am almost 42 years old and sometimes I feel like I’m 12. I don’t know why I’m letting things get to me lately. I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I wish I did. I really wish I did. Maybe if I knew, I would know how to deal with it. Maybe this is just another lesson I have to learn, another milestone to meet, another leg on my journey to be a healthier person.


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