My journey to a healthier me

Tales of my life

Confidence

on June 1, 2012

This post was suggested and inspired by Tyler

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What is confidence?

I think it’s the belief in yourself that you can do something; or the belief in someone else that they can do something.

Dictionary.com defines it as full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.

Basically the same thing.

I’m not the most confident person. I doubt myself a lot. Perhaps it’s from growing up very shy. Perhaps it’s from years of people making fun of me. Perhaps it’s from not always having someone in my corner to support me. Perhaps it’s all of those things.

I’d like to have more confidence. And I’m working on it. As I get older and try new things, I feel more confident. As I get better at the things I do, I feel more confident. As people tell me over and over again at how great I look, how amazed they are by me, or how I inspire them, I feel more confident.

And then there are the dark days. The days where I doubt myself and feel like I can’t do anything. Somehow all my confidence disappears. And I don’t know where it went or how to get it back. I try doing something that I’ve done before or that should be fairly easy to do, but I can’t seem to do it. I get frustrated. I get angry. I sometimes break down.

And then something extraordinary happens.

A friend steps in and helps me find that confidence again.

There is a story that inspired this post.

It’s Thursday. That means I’ll be working out with Tyler. I work out with him twice a week – Tuesdays and Thursdays. We usually do upper body one day and legs the other. We are doing a leg workout on this day. Tyler likes to introduce new things into my workouts. We are starting with something new, sort of. Step-ups. I’ve done them before, but not like this. Step onto a small step, then up on a box. The box. I don’t like the box. It’s fine for sitting on, but not stepping up on. It’s tall. And I have short legs. I don’t like the look of this. But I’m determined to do it. I want to prove I can do it. To Tyler. And to myself. So I stand on the small step, put my foot on the box, and try to step up with the other. Nope. Not happening. I try again. Still nothing. I take Tyler’s hand for support and balance and try again. Nope. I’m getting frustrated and angry with myself. I step down. Curse words are flying. I can feel the tears welling up from the frustration. Tyler calms me down. He tells me to kick the box. I do. Felt good. He’s not giving up on me. He tells me I can do it. I try again. Still nothing. I step back again. Tyler is still trying to build my confidence. I tell him I’m afraid. He asks of what. Of falling, I say. He tells me a short story. It’s a little funny. I step up again. I decide to try the other leg first. Tyler’s there with his unwavering support. He stands in front of the box with his foot braced against it so it won’t go anywhere. He offers his hands for support. I put my hands in his. He counts down … 3 .. 2 .. 1 .. Almost but not quite. He urges me on. I try again. Countdown .. 3 .. 2 .. 1 .. I DID IT! Fuck yeah! I almost can’t believe it! I carefully step back down with one leg, leaving the other on the box. Up again. And again. And again. 8 times up and down. I did it. Amazing. Take a little rest. Try the other leg again. Countdown .. 3 .. 2 .. 1 .. Nope. Try again. Still frustrated that I can’t seem to do it. I am not confident I can do it. I don’t know why I can’t. I did one side, why can’t I do this one?! So frustrating. At some point Tyler says something extraordinary to me:

Sometimes we give our confidence to someone else. Don’t be afraid to ask for it back.

Wow. Powerful. And then he tells me that it’s a great idea for a blog post. I agree. So I started writing this in my head, as I do with all my posts. Back to the box. Try again. I don’t know how many times I tried, but I finally did it. I had the confidence to do it. Thanks to Tyler. I don’t know if he helped me find mine or lent me some of his. Or maybe both. But either way, it worked. I conquered the box. It felt good. I felt confident. I felt like I could do almost anything. And we continued with my work out.

It’s amazing to me how someone’s confidence in you can help you through something you find difficult. When you’ve lost or misplaced yours, they lend you some of theirs and it pulls you through. And somehow your confidence comes back. I’m not sure I could have conquered the box without Tyler’s help. The box. I still don’t like it. Stupid box. I’m sure we will meet again. And I WILL win.

And, Tyler, thanks for helping me find the confidence I needed. And thanks again for not giving up on me.

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