My journey to a healthier me

Tales of my life

I could just kick myself …

on May 23, 2012

I feel like an idiot.

This past weekend was a holiday weekend here so that meant the gym would be closed Monday. After working hard last week at the gym plus boot camp workout with Tyler on Thursday evening, I decided I’d take Friday off as well, so that would mean 4 days away from the gym. I figured I would do a light workout at home on Friday and Monday to sort of make up for it.

So I did my little workout on Friday. My muscles were pretty sore from Thursday so I didn’t push myself too much. Saturday I walked to my best friends house, which is about 2km away. Sunday I didn’t do much of anything. Monday I did some housework and another light workout. I figured I’d work extra hard at the gym the rest of the week to make up for taking an extra day off.

Now this is where I could kick myself.

Now today being Tuesday, that meant cardio followed by a workout with Tyler. So I start my cardio on the treadmill as usual except that I can’t seem to go my normal speed. I figured maybe I just need to warm up for a bit first since it had been a few days. But it wasn’t getting easier. I have to stop after 20 minutes for a bathroom break and I swear it felt like I had been on that damn thing for twice that! So I take my break and then right back on. I let myself start out easy again, and then after 10 minutes I bump it to my normal speed and raise the incline. Well that didn’t last long. Much to my chagrin, within a few minutes I have to lower the incline, and a few minutes later I have to lower the speed. Now I start to beat myself up over taking 4 days off! What an idiot! Why did I think that was okay? Why did I think it was a good idea? IDIOT! I managed to get 55 minutes in, but wasn’t the workout it should have been.

So I go freshen up, wash the sweat from my face, and rest a bit before working out with Tyler. So we start my workout and I think I’m doing pretty well. Or at least I was hoping I was. But about 30 minutes in, I have to stop because of a pain in my back. Again, I beat myself up for the extra long weekend. IDIOT! So after resting for a bit, we move to some core work which would be easier on my back. He has me do some supermen and then some planks. Planks are a great exercise but I can’t do them very well. I’ve improved a little bit, but I feel like I should be able to do them better by now. So those nagging little voices start up again to go along with the ones already going through my my session ends and I go to get up off the floor and I can’t. When I first started at the gym I needed up getting up. But I worked really hard and improved my mobility and didn’t help anymore. I was really proud of that. But there I was, feeling like I was back where I started, needing help to get up. There are those voices again.

After leaving the gym, I managed to walk to the bus station, which is about halfway home. Even that seemed more of a struggle than it should have been. And all of this because I decided I deserved an extra day off from the gym. What an IDIOT I am! I feel stupid. I felt like I was making really good progress. But after today, I feel like I took a big step backwards. Why? Why did I think it was a good idea? What made me think I deserved to take that extra day off? Was it worth it? Hell no! I could just kick myself. I’m so angry with myself. I have to do better. I need to do better. If I take another day from the gym, I damn well better be doing something active to make up for what I would have done at the gym. Or I had better have a damn good reason not to! No more excuses!


Okay I realize this was not as refined or eloquent as some of my posts, but I just needed to vent a little. I appreciate you allowing me the time and space to do so. Hopefully my next post will be better.



2 responses to “I could just kick myself …

  1. A Friend says:

    Chin up Jen, keep moving forward! You are doing great!

  2. Jeff says:

    You’re not an idiot, you are human! Our greatest glory lies not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall.

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