My journey to a healthier me

Tales of my life


on May 10, 2012

A friend and I were talking about fears the other day. I think everyone is afraid of something, whether it’s big or small. Some people don’t like to talk about their fears, some people do. Personally I’m horribly afraid of spiders and snakes. I also have a slight fear of heights. Those fears I don’t mind talking about, and I consider them relatively small (even if I panic sometimes when I see a spider). I have some big fears as well, but rarely talk about them except with very close friends.

At this point you might be asking what does fear have to do with my journey. Well, it has a lot to do with it actually. I started this journey to a healthier me when I was diagnosed with cancer. And one of my biggest fears is the cancer returning. I know I have a very small chance of reoccurrence, but the chance exists and that scares me. Actually it terrifies me. I wear a LiveStrong bracelet to help remind me of why I started this journey to begin with and to help give me the strength to push through when I feel like giving up.

There is also the fear of disappointment. Now this one is a two-parter. First there is the fear of disappointing others. There are a lot of people who are supporting me and encouraging me and I don’t want to let them down. I want to show them that I can do it. And secondly, and more importantly, there is the fear of disappointing myself. I don’t want to let myself down. I want to prove to myself that I can do it; that I can be a stronger and healthier person; that I can finish something I started.

So how do I deal with these fears without getting crushed by them? Good question. A couple of weeks ago I’m not sure I could have answered that. But now I think I can. I think they key to it is to acknowledge that they exist. It’s okay to be afraid, but try your best to look forward, to look for the good things in life, to be as positive as you can. It is not easy, and everyone has their bad days. But the key is to have more good days than bad ones. It takes practice. You can’t expect to be perfect. No one is perfect. And that’s perfectly okay. When I was having my recent struggles, Tyler recommended I read a book called The Gifts of Imperfection. Its amazing. Life changing I would say. I would recommend it to anyone. It really makes you think. I can hardly wait to read it again! I think just about everyone could benefit by the advice given in it.

So that’s it. I know I have these fears. And sometimes I have to deal with them on a daily basis, but I’m doing my best not to let them overwhelm me. And I think I get better at that each day. I know I still may have bad days, but that’s okay. I just do the best I can and try not to be too hard on myself. I know this is a long journey. And it’s going to be hard. I know I’m not there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday. And it will all be worth it in the end.


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